In heightened emotional stress it is a natural reaction of
your body to produce tears.. I myself have felt the urge to cry in difficult
situations, where I wouldn't want myself crying, for example at work when I
have the rest of the day to stay in work and crying wouldn't help me focus, or
in big important meetings where I worry crying may be seen as weak. (crying is
NOT weak in my opinion, it's a natural reaction.)
Crying is defined as the secretion of tears from the lacrimal gland (eye gland). Scientifically there are a couple of theories
for why we cry, although a set reason has not been agreed. Suggestions are that
crying is a non-verbal communicator to others so they instinctively behave in a
more caring way to us, another suggestion is that crying is simply a natural
reaction to events. It's also been suggested crying and "letting it
out" makes you feel better, however this may just be an association we've
mistakenly learnt if we cry, and then deal with a problem. Wherby it would be
the dealing with the problem that made the situation better, but we've
unconsciously made the association that crying made the situation better.
(this research is
from Wikipedia so, whilst it is more reliable than solely my brain, take of it
what you will!)
Therefore below are tried and tested methods for me to
record that have helped me on my way to crying less...
1. BEFORE TEARS FORM;
When you feel yourself wanting to cry, well before any tears
form, excuse yourself so you can be alone and deal with this, if you do not
want to cry. Get a drink of water to slowly sip and go to a quiet place you
won't be disturbed e.g. your car, an empty/disabled toilet.
Then, STOP THINKING about what is making you cry. Once
you've quickly identified the cause of the upset (do not dwell on this to avoid
getting further upset) replace any negative thoughts with "it will all be
okay".
You may rationalise this by comparing your life to that of
people much worse off than you, to put the upset into perspective.
Once you have replaced negative thoughts, you should then
immerse yourself in a new task to ensure your mind stays off the upset. For example,
working, writing, playing sports, gym, a hobby where concentration is required.
This will then buy you a few hours until you can get to a
quiet place to solve the problem and therefore get to the root cause.
IF YOU FEEL TEARS FORMING;
Physical movements such as the below can help your brain
stay focussed on something else therefore avoid sending a signal to your eyes
to cry...
- Blinking
- Crossing Eyes
- Doing maths puzzles in your head
- Heightening your eyebrows
- Gulping deeply
- Causing minor physical pain e.g. tiny skin pinch briefly, as a brain distraction only.
IF YOU ARE ALREADY CRYING;
At this point, past the point of no return, I like to lean
on others for support. A problem shared is a problem halved, and those you
trust can be an amazing support during this time. Via phone or in person, or
even on the internet, there is always someone who cares about you.
Then, use the first tip - stop thinking about what makes you
cry and absorb yourself in something else, to recover. And then at a better
time, determine a solution to the cause of your tears - and a solution may not ever
occur, and you may have to live with the upset.. however time and love helps healing.
IN CONCLUSION
It may be good for you to let it out, it may also be good
for you to not be by yourself. As you learn yourself and develop self awareness
you will find out what actions work best for you to get the behavior you
desire from yourself.
We all have up and down days, and it can be difficult to
stay happy when things aren't going as you'd like in life. Remember to be kind
to yourself, and know that you can only control your own actions, not anyone or
anything elses'.
